Black Samurai (1977)

AFTER RECENTLY FINISHING Michael Adams’ excellent book Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro-Zombies: A Film Critic’s Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made, I found myself with a list of supposedly terrible movies I felt I had to see in order to truly savor their awfulness.

First on the list: the 1977 kung fu/blaxploitation flick Black Samurai.

Plot:
Special agent Robert Sand (Jim Kelly) is asked by the CIA to save his girlfriend Toki (Essie Lin Chia) after she’s kidnapped by a voodoo cult led by the evil Janicot (Bill Roy). It turns out Toki is also the daughter of a top Eastern ambassador, and Janicot's ransom demand is top-secret information for a new weapon, the “freeze bomb.” Sand’s search takes him from Hong Kong to California to Miami, facing bad men, bad women, and bad animals (Janicot's pet is a killer vulture!).

Critique:
Black Samurai has all the trappings of the ‘70s action genre: groovy opening credits, a funk-tastic soundtrack, sketchy audio, poor looping, stiff acting, overdone karate sound effects, bad editing, lots of Aviator sunglasses, and sideburns a-plenty. But despite all that tasty kitsch, the film as a whole isn’t as satisfying.

In terms of performances, Kelly – who had a memorable supporting role in Bruce Lee’s smash Enter the Dragon – is the lead plank in the wooden cast. (According to Jim Brown, the makers of their film Take a Hard Ride made Kelly’s character mute because he simply couldn’t act.) Dialogue is delivered either in monotones or with misplaced emphasis; the only exception is Bill Roy, who effectively relishes his role as Janicot with proper inflection and smarm.

Low-budget grindhouse filmmaker Al Adamson – whose films weren’t “fun” bad movies as much as “bad” bad movies – doesn’t provide an even or energetic pace to the proceedings. Fight sequences are either quick and done, or drawn-out and lackluster. (Though Sand’s jet-pack sequence left me in a mix of hysterics, jealousy, and how’d-they-do-that intrigue.)

The framework of Black Samurai is a direct lift (read: rip-off) of Enter the Dragon: a debriefing of our hero by government agents who need him for a mission; the hero’s journey to a mysterious island to bring down the big boss; a climactic battle where our hero wipes out dozens of the boss’ guards almost single-handedly; and a cat-and-mouse finale between the hero and boss (instead of a maze of mirrors as in Dragon, Adamson uses a maze of catacombs beneath Janicot’s mansion lair).

In fact, everything in Black Samurai is second-rate – not just to the classic Enter the Dragon, but to the ‘70s kung fu and blaxploitation genres in general. I watched the first hour in one sitting, but having to finish the last 25 minutes a few days later felt like having to do homework I’d been putting off.

While Black Samurai is nearly unwatchable, it should earn an award for Most Ironic Line of Dialogue: After Janicot forces Sand’s CIA buddy (Biff Yeager) at gunpoint to lie to Sand over the phone and lure him into a trap, Janicot declares: “The government even trains its agents to be very good actors.” Hmm. Maybe Adamson should’ve gotten a government grant from the NEA and sent the entire cast of Black Samurai to The Actors Studio.

Fun facts:
* In Kelly’s opening scene, he’s playing tennis. After his acting career faded, Kelly became a professional tennis player, rising to number two in California in the senior men's doubles rankings and reaching the state's top ten in senior men's singles. He now works as a professional tennis coach.
* Adamson’s death is the stuff of one of his films: He was bludgeoned in 1995 at age 66 and cemented in the Jacuzzi at his home by the contractor he had hired.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Black Samurai is rated R for language (including a baddie declaring Sand will be “one dead n**ger” and Sand calling another bad guy a “Whitey faggot”), chopsocky violence, and other acts of aggression (people are shot, poisoned by snakes, stabbed, and blown up via car bomb). Also, partygoers ogle a stripper during a party at Janicot’s mansion (no nudity, but she gets down to a bikini top and thong).

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Moot point; it’s not worth watching. If she likes ‘70s kung fu and/or blaxploitation, I’d recommend Enter the Dragon for the former and either Pam Grier’s Coffy or Isaac Hayes’ Truck Turner for the latter.

If I cropped this shot any closer, you’d think
they were doing something besides fighting.

Black Samurai
* Director: Al Adamson
* Screenwriter: B. Readick
* Stars: Jim Kelly, Bill Roy, Roberto Contreras, Marilyn Joi, Essie Lin Chia, Biff Yeager
* MPAA Rating: R


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Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

LAST YEAR, filmmaker Robert Rodriguez released the grindhouse love letter Machete following the buzz surrounding his 2007 then-fake trailer of the same name. Critic and audience response was good, but not great. “Meh”-chete, if you will.

So when an outlandish red-band trailer surfaced online months ago for another grindhouse tribute flick, Hobo with a Shotgun, the question was raised: Was there any possible way this film could live up to such craziness?

Plot:
Rutger Hauer (The Hitcher, Blade Runner) is a hobo who rolls into a deteriorating, crime-ridden town (think Escape from New York meets Robocop’s Old Detroit), only to find it overrun by violence and ruled by a vicious crime lord known as the Drake (Brian Downey). The hobo's solution: Pick up a shotgun and start laying waste to crooks, corrupt cops, and lowlifes who cross his path.

Critique:

It’s funny how mindset and time of day can affect one’s opinion.

After a late-night, caffeine-ridden viewing, it felt like Hobo director Jason Eisener just missed living up to the hype brought about by the trailer. The film seemed compelling yet uneven, with only nominal character development beyond the relationship between Hauer’s hobo and Abby (Molly Dunsworth), the hooker he’s sworn to protect.

But after a second viewing the following day, my head was in the right place to soak in everything Hobo had to offer: It’s an over-the-top, blood-drenched, blood-spurting riot that would make a young Peter Jackson proud (Eisener even offers an homage to Jackson’s splatter classic Dead Alive by featuring a lawnmower as a body-chopping weapon).


Hauer overdelivers nearly all of his vengeful-vagabond dialogue, and rightly so, given the campy and exploitative nature of the film. But screenwriter John Davies saves most of the best lines for the supporting cast of baddies: There are so many ridiculously raunchy catchphrases that I can’t repeat them all here, let alone pick the best one. Beyond the actors and the action, the atmosphere of Hobo is accentuated by two key factors: its oversaturated color scheme and the retro/synth-heavy score by Darius Holbert and Russ Howard III.

Hobo with a Shotgun is an all-out attack on the senses. It’s part grindhouse homage, part graphic novel come to life, and totally out of control…but in the most entertaining way possible.

Fun fact: Much like Machete, Hobo with a Shotgun originated as a fake trailer for Grindhouse (but was only attached to the Canadian theater release). The trailer, also directed by Eisener, was the winner of the South by Southwest (SXSW) Grindhouse fake trailer competition.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Hell. No. On top of the endless profanity, the vulgar threats made to random victims (most of whom are women), and the occasional nudity, the violence is graphic and relentless. People are decapitated, disemboweled, dismembered, crushed, tortured, hanged, shot, and stabbed. In addition, a baddie blowtorches a busload of kids, and in one scene Hauer’s hobo chews on broken glass.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

I’m guessing no, unless she’s into grindhouse flicks and can stomach a lot of bloody, graphic violence. Hobo’s more for a group of guys who can play off each other and hoot it up about the insanity taking place on the screen.

"Please don't shoot my dick off! I still have a lot of f**king left to do!"
(Actual line from the movie.)

Hobo with a Shotgun
* Director: Jason Eisener
* Screenwriter: John Davies
* Stars: Rutger Hauer, Gregory Smith, Molly Dunsworth, Nick Bateman, Brian Downey, Jeremy Akerman
* MPAA Rating: R


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Congrats to the winner of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Prize Pack!

• Budd

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest!

LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers (2010)

WATCHING A MOVIE with your kids that’s a toy or product tie-in can be a risky gamble. Not only could your kids end up asking for the toys that “star” in the movie, but the movie itself could be just a 90-minute toy commercial with no substance or, even worse, unwatchable (though we did have moderate success with Rescue Heroes: The Movie).

So when Netflix recommended LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers, I was hesitant to act. But since LEGO has been a memorable part of childhood for generations (mine and my boys’ included), sentimentality overtook me and we checked it out.

Plot:
The snap-build world of LEGO comes to life in this full-length adventure, featuring master builder and adventurer Clutch Powers and his band of plastic friends as they fight to save the universe across time and space. From Space Police prison to the medieval castles of Ashlar, Clutch and his pals put their skills to work to fend off an evil wizard and his dreaded skeleton army.

Critique:

From its thrilling opening sequence (borrowing from Raiders of the Lost Ark and Aliens) to its over-the-top climax, LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers delivers pure fun and entertainment. It’s amazingly well done, and not just for a direct-to-video movie about a toy line; it easily could have been a theatrical hit.

Clutch Powers features top-shelf production values, inspired and impressive set pieces, ambitious storytelling, a grandiose soundtrack worthy of a major motion picture, and a third act so compelling I caught myself getting sucked into it as much as my boys did.

In addition, director Howard E. Baker and screenwriter Tom Rogers know how to give a few nods to the grown-ups watching, with smart references to Indiana Jones, Aliens, Jason and the Argonauts, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and the Jedi mind trick.

The LEGO logo placement is a bit blatant at times (as if we don’t know what we’re watching), but never mind. LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers is a highly entertaining cross-section of action, sci-fi, and medieval epic, with some positive messages woven in about loyalty and teamwork. I can’t recommend it enough as the next film you should check out for a family movie night.

Rating:

What did Dash (and Jack-Jack) think?

They had a great time watching LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers – laughing at the jokes, soaking in the action, and staying glued to the screen for the big finale. A testament to their love of it: After we watched it Friday night, they woke up the next morning before FilmMother and me, asking by our bedside, “Can we watch the LEGO movie again?”

Will your kids like it?

Absolutely. It’s a smart, fun-filled, thrill-ride of a movie.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Even if she doesn’t think she wants to, convince her to watch it with the family. It’s a great movie experience for you all to enjoy together.

Uh-oh. We’re gonna need some bigger blocks.

LEGO: The Adventures of Clutch Powers
* Director: Howard E. Baker
* Screenwriter: Tom Rogers
* Stars: Ryan McPartlin, Yvonne Strahovski, Paul Michael Glaser, Roger Rose, Jeff Bennett, Stephan Cox, Alex Désert, Chris Hardwick, Christopher Emerson, Richard Doyle
* MPAA Rating: N/A (basically G)


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Win a Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Prize Pack!

YOU COULD WIN a prize pack from 20th Century Fox's upcoming film Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, opening March 25.

Prize pack includes:

• The books Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
  
• A "Wimpy Kid" cardboard standee

About the Movie:
In this sequel to 2010’s surprise hit, Greg Heffley (the kid who made “wimpy” cool) is back in an all-new family comedy based on the best-selling follow-up novel by Jeff Kinney. As he begins seventh grade, Greg and his older brother – and chief tormentor – Rodrick must deal with their parents’ misguided attempts to have them bond.

How to Enter:
Comment on this post by March 25, 2011. I will then pick one comment at random and post the winner soon after. (Winner will then have to e-mail me his/her mailing address to receive their prize pack.)

Rules:

• You must have a link to your e-mail address on your Blogger profile page. If not, you must provide your e-mail address in your comment.
• Prize pack is available to United States mailing addresses only.

Good luck!

Metropia (2009)

WHILE I DO REVIEW plenty of animated films for kids, I’ve covered some adult animated fare as well: Heavy Metal, Watership Down, etc.

So when I saw the trailer for the decidedly adult-looking animated film Metropia, I was intrigued to learn more…

Plot:
In the year 2024, the world is running out of oil and the underground train systems of Europe have been connected, creating a gigantic subway network. In a suburb of Stockholm, telemarketer Roger (Vincent Gallo) tries to stay away from the underground because every time he enters, he hears a stranger’s voice in his head. Is someone trying to control him? Looking for help, he turns to the mysterious Nina (Juliette Lewis) – but the further they travel, the deeper Roger becomes involved in a dark conspiracy.

Critique:

The uniquely animated characters in Metropia have a photorealistic quality – like Drew Friedman illustrations come to life. But while the film is stylishly animated and includes arresting art direction by Martin Hultman (painting a dank, dreary, Orwellian landscape), the execution of the story is taxing.

We’re forced to sit through loooong stretches of Roger, Nina, and other supporting characters talking. Or walking. Or talking and walking. While that may be enough action for a film by Tarantino or Woody Allen, it’s painful to sit through here. Maybe director (and former graffiti artist) Tarik Saleh thinks the conversations between Roger and Nina create enough momentum to carry the picture, but the only momentum they invoke is making your eyelids move downward.

Any attempts at action don’t happen until the last 15 minutes; by then it’s too little, way too late. And the “shocking” use of a Hello Kitty doll as a weapon of mass destruction is only shocking as in, “I’d be shocked if Sanrio actually gave the filmmakers permission to use her likeness this way.”

While Metropia takes place in a grimy futureworld, the viewer experience is quite sterile. Whatever point Saleh and his two fellow screenwriters are trying to make – some undercooked message about consumerism, Big Brother, and mind control – is a mishmash of ideas that have been done before, and done better.

Saleh started out making animated shorts for Swedish television. Had Metropia been a short film versus a full-length feature, he – and anyone who’s sat through all 86 minutes of this plodding picture – might have been better off.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Metropia features a noticeable amount of profanity, plus a few scenes of nudity and sexual situations. In terms of violence, we see an open-eyed dead woman being zipped up in a body bag, a man is pushed in front of an oncoming subway train (dying off-screen), several people die in a bomb explosion, and a man is shot in the head. I would say young teens or possibly tweens would be the minimum age group suitable for viewing.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Doubt it. Too bleak, too slow, too long. Look elsewhere for something to enjoy together.

Metropia
* Director: Tarik Saleh
* Screenwriters: Stig Larsson, Fredrik Edin, Tarik Saleh
* Stars: Vincent Gallo, Juliette Lewis, Udo Kier, Stellan Skarsgard, Alexander Skarsgard, Sofia Helin
* MPAA Rating: N/A


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The Cat from Outer Space (1978)

AS I HINTED at the beginning of my last review, there’s not much love (or nostalgia) for Disney films of the ‘70s. But as a ‘70s child, my movie-going memories and the Disney films of that decade are largely inseparable.

To wit: I remember my mom and aunt taking me to see 1978’s The Cat from Outer Space and loving it; then two years later, my sixth grade class watched it on a rainy day, erupting in applause when it ended.

Dash often balks when I want to watch movies from my childhood with him; sometimes they just don’t hold up. But I found an “in” through his love of the Binky the Space Cat books (left) by Ashley Spires; he really loves Spires’ comic-book illustrations as she tells the funny tales of Binky’s imagination and exploration.

Well, this is a movie about a cat and outer space…the timing couldn’t be better, right?

Plot:
A UFO is stranded on earth and impounded by the U.S. government. Its pilot is an extraterrestrial cat (voiced by Ronnie Schell) with a collar that has special powers, including the ability to allow the cat to talk with humans. The cat, nicknamed “Jake,” enlists the help of scientists Frank (Ken Berry), Liz (Sandy Duncan), and Link (McLean Stevenson) to reclaim and repair his ship to get back home.

Critique:

As with several favorite films and TV shows of my childhood, it seems The Cat from Outer Space is a situation where I’ve loved my memories of the film more than the film itself.

It takes 45 minutes into TCFOS until any true attempts at comedy take place, which is a mixed blessing since nearly all attempts at comedy fall flat. Out-loud laughs are at a minimum, and so is the barely-present musical score by legendary film and TV composer Lalo Schifrin. Essentially, the script and action make TCFOS feel as if it was written more as a light-hearted adult caper than a kids’ Disney film.

Berry, Duncan, and Stevenson try to keep things moving with frenzied actions and bewilderment about the whole situation (Stevenson offering the most entertainment as Berry’s mooching friend and colleague) as they try to keep Jake from falling into the hands of pursuing U.S. army troops led by Harry Morgan, here basically doing a more gruff variation of his Colonel Potter role from TV’s M*A*S*H. It all culminates in a plane-chase climax that, while sounding cool, takes for-ever to conclude.

The Cat from Outer Space is typical of the ‘70s lot of Disney live-action movies: pedestrian and slow-paced, but with just enough of a Disney touch to make it watchable (though it’s eons better than Superdad).

Tidbits:
* Sandy Duncan is allergic to cats.
* Stevenson and Morgan both played commanding officers on the TV series M*A*S*H, with Morgan replacing Stevenson when Stevenson left to star in his own show, the ill-fated Hello, Larry.
* Screenwriter Ted Key also wrote other Disney live-action films of the ‘70s, including Gus and The Million Dollar Duck. He also created the characters Mr. Peabody and Sherman for the “Rocky and Bullwinkle” cartoon series.

Rating:

What did Dash (and Jack-Jack) think?

Dash liked TCFOS just enough to stay with it, though he and I were wondering if the plane-chase climax was ever going to end. Jack-Jack lost interest near the one-hour mark, which is no surprise: a slow-moving, 105-minute live action movie can’t compete with the attention span of a four-year-old. (However, he did chime in during a foot chase involving an elevator: “I like elevators. They’re fun.”)

Is it suitable for your kids?

While The Cat from Outer Space is rated G, it’s a “’70s G,” as I call it. (The MPAA was a little less scrutinizing back then.) Depending on your sensitivities, there are a few scenes involving alcohol and tobacco, as Stevenson’s cigar-chomping character constantly barges into Berry’s apartment to steal beers and watch sports; and in a pivotal scene in a pool hall, there’s plenty of beer-drinking and cigar-smoking. Also, the climax includes some gunplay and mild peril as Berry and Duncan nearly fall out of the planes during the drawn-out plane chase.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

As much I may be betraying my childhood memories by saying this, I wouldn’t bother her with this one – even if she likes Disney films and/or cats.

The casting for Easy Rider 2 was looking less than promising.

The Cat from Outer Space
* Director: Norman Tokar
* Screenwriter: Ted Key
* Stars: Ken Berry, Sandy Duncan, Ronnie Schell, McLean Stevenson, Harry Morgan, Roddy McDowall
* MPAA Rating: G



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Follow FilmFather on Twitter!

ON FEBRUARY 14TH, I gave a little Valentine to myself (and to fellow movie-lovers, I hope): I opened a Twitter account for FilmFather! Check it out here or click the button below:

Hope you see you there amongst the tweets, re-tweets, hashtags, and shout-outs (@FilmFather)!

Waking Sleeping Beauty (2009)

AS A CHILD OF THE ‘70S, I grew up in a time when Disney feature films, both animated and live-action, were less than magical. (Nonetheless, two Disney films from that era, Robin Hood and The Cat from Outer Space, still hold a special place in my heart.)

Cut to 1980, and Disney was still on shaky ground. In fact, it would be nearly another decade until the Mouse House roared back with their string of hits between 1989-1994. It’s this journey that is the basis for Waking Sleeping Beauty.

Plot:
Walt Disney Studios veteran Don Hahn shines a light on Disney animation work during the '80s and '90s, culminating in the box office and critical triumph of The Lion King. In exploring the works of that era through home movies and archive footage, Hahn offers a peek at the careers of top animators of the time, including John Lasseter, Brad Bird, John Musker, Ron Clements, and more.

Critique:

With Waking Sleeping Beauty, you really feel let in to the world of the Disney animators of the time – a world which, until this film, you only saw as the finished product on the big screen. We become privy to the good and bad times had by the studio throughout the ‘80s and early ‘90s, including:

• The animators despising the “Hollywood takeover” of Disney studios in 1983, particularly former Paramount exec Michael Eisner and his protégé, Jeffrey Katzenberg (right)
  
• The millions-over-budget Black Cauldron getting trounced at the box office by The Care Bears Movie in 1985
• Oliver and Company unfortunately opening the same day in 1988 as former Disney animator Don Bluth’s hit The Land Before Time
• The creative process of the killer songwriting team of Howard Ashman and Alan Menken
• Behind-the-scenes recording sessions of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and Beauty and the Beast, featuring the stars of each film
• The growing animosity and dissension between Roy Disney, Eisner, and Katzenberg, which reaches a head at the red-carpet premiere of The Lion King

Hahn cleverly provides new interviews only as audio, with the person’s name in a voice bubble in the corner – avoiding then-and-now visual comparisons of the people and focusing instead on the era being shown on the screen.

One gripe: While it’s right for Hahn to cover Disney’s failures as much as its successes, it’s disappointing to see him spend a large chunk of Waking Sleeping Beauty on forgotten films like Oliver and Company while barely squeezing in The Lion King at the end (and with no coverage of its phenomenal worldwide success).

In telling the story of how Disney studios reclaimed its magical mojo, Waking Sleeping Beauty weaves some movie magic of its own: Even though you know how things turn out, you still find yourself rooting for the animators to win with every new triumph or obstacle that comes their way. It’s a fascinating (though occasionally uneven) recollection of how the Mouse House became mighty once again.

Fun fact: During creation of The Lion King, Katzenberg tells the animators that Pocahontas will be the studio’s next home-run movie; The Lion King “just isn’t working.”

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Waking Sleeping Beauty is rated PG, though there’s no objectionable content. The only areas which may need parental guidance for young kids are when the film briefly (yet poignantly) deals with Ashman’s illness and death from AIDS in 1991, and Wells’ death from a helicopter crash in 1994.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she loves Disney and wants to know how they made their magic two decades ago, she’ll enjoy Waking Sleeping Beauty.

Official Trailer:

Waking Sleeping Beauty
* Director: Don Hahn
* Screenwriter: Patrick Pacheco
* Stars: Howard Ashman, Alan Menken, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Eisner, Roy Disney, Glen Keane, Ron Clements
* MPAA Rating: PG



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On February 17th...

1907: Buster Crabbe (star of the Flash Gordon films) is born.

1959: The House on Haunted Hill opens in theaters.

2005: Dan O'Herlihy (Robocop) dies at 85.

2011: FilmFather gets a facelift.

Check back this Thursday...