Wiener Dog Nationals (2013)

RECENTLY, JACK-JACK WAS OBSESSED with dachshunds, aka “wiener dogs.” Whenever he’d see one, he’d point it out and giggle until the little four-footed frankfurter was out of sight.

So when I heard there was a new family film all about wiener dogs, I was on it like relish on a…well, you know…

Wiener Dog Nationals introduces us to the Jack family: unemployed widower Phil (Jason London) and his three children, teenager Skip (Austin Anderson) and kids Bridget (Caitlin Carmichael) and Danny (Julian Feder). When Danny adopts a wiener dog named Shelly for his birthday, he discovers Shelly’s got speed and enters her – unbeknownst to Phil – in the Wiener Dog Nationals, a real-life dachshund race sponsored by the Wienerschnitzel fast food chain. With the help of Wiener Dog Nationals employee Melanie (Alicia Witt), Shelly and the Jacks keep one step ahead of the scheming Ms. Merryweather (Morgan Fairchild), a filthy-rich debutante who’ll stop at nothing to see her wiener dog, Princess, win the big race.

For a film called Wiener Dog Nationals – about a wiener dog who enters a series of wiener dog races – the amount of screen time dedicated to wiener dogs is shockingly minimal. Ironically, Shelly is marginalized in her own film. In fact, there’s so much screen time dedicated to the Jack family’s internal strife and miscommunication, the film should’ve been called A Fractured Family – Oh, and They Have a Dog Too.

First-time feature director Kevan Peterson should have added establishing scenes of Shelly bonding with Danny and his family beyond the dog races (of which, there are only three in the entire film). How about the kids playing with the dog? Getting into wacky antics much to the dismay of their strict father? Even when Shelly turns on the hijinks, it’s all shown after the fact: ripped-up couch pillows here, a chewed-up newspaper there. Where’s the fun in that?

As the exasperated dad, London spends the entire film looking either perplexed or annoyed. Fairchild comes off as Cruella DeVil Lite as she schmoozes the race’s head judge (Mad Men’s Bryan Batt) when not resorting to espionage and blackmail (!) to get Shelly disqualified. And don’t get me started on the always-painful experience of watching extended scenes of marginally talented kid actors struggling to deliver dialogue to each other (see Opposite Day, Labou).

By the time the stakes are raised in Wiener Dog Nationals’ last act, it’s too little too late. Shelly’s screen time has been scant, simple questions are left unanswered, and it all ends with (spoiler alert!) a happy ending, but an underwhelming one that basically says, “Shelly didn’t win the big race, but thanks to two completely unrelated disqualifications, she’s the winner by default!” Um, yay?

Flat and forgettable, Wiener Dog Nationals’ ultimate flaw is simple: It has too much dialogue, and not enough dachshunds. Or, as my wife puts it, “Too many words, not enough wieners.”

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

All I could get out of FilmBoy regarding Wiener Dog Nationals was complete indifference. Did he like it? “Sort of.” Jack-Jack could not be reached for comment (he fell asleep before the ending).

Is it suitable for your kids?

Wiener Dog Nationals is suitable for all ages. A few uses of “stupid” and “losers,” and Phil and Melanie make awkward advances toward each other, but that’s about it.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

My wife was unimpressed with Wiener Dog Nationals’ plot holes and overall B-movie feel. She did hope that with Shelly’s race winnings, the Jacks can afford to get Danny a haircut. Major white kid ‘fro going on there.

Bad: Your dog drinks your milk.

Worse: She's lactose intolerant.

Wiener Dog Nationals (2013)
* Director: Kevan Peterson
* Screenwriter: Gregory Gutierrez
* Stars: Alicia Witt, Jason London, Morgan Fairchild, Marque Richardson, Bryan Batt, Caitlin Carmichael, Chris Moss, Laura Ann Kesling, Austin Anderson, Julian Feder
* MPAA Rating: G



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Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

WHAT IF YOU WORKED at the same job for 30 years, with no change in your routine or position, and no acknowledgement from your co-workers – ever? Would you look to break free and find a better life?

That’s the premise of Wreck-It Ralph, Disney’s 52nd animated feature film. Tired of smashing buildings for 30 years as the bad guy in the arcade game Fix-It Felix, Jr., Ralph (John C. Reilly) leaves and explores other games in his arcade, in search of being a hero. After stealing the medal from the first-person shoot-‘em-up Hero’s Duty, Ralph frantically escapes and lands in the racing game Sugar Rush, with Felix (Jack McBrayer) and Hero’s Duty’s Sergeant Calhoun (Jane Lynch) in hot pursuit.

Gamers from Generation X and younger will drool over the abundance of game titles and characters that pop up in the first act of Wreck-It Ralph, especially during the 30-year time lapse of Ralph’s arcade (titles go buzzing by) and the early scenes of Game Central Station, where characters from arcade games old and new cross paths on their way home from work.

What’s largely missing from the second act of Wreck-It Ralph is what Pixar seems to have sucked from Disney’s films over the last two decades: character development. For quite a while, the film is largely plot-driven, as we sit back and watch Ralph jump around the various video game worlds and meet all walks of digitized life, including Vanellope (Sarah Silverman), a glitchy little girl from Sugar Rush who has dreams of being a racing champion. As two kindred misfits, she and Ralph make a deal to help each other get what they want, and the action continues…

…until the third act, which begins with Ralph doing something that seems devastatingly cruel to Vanellope, yet makes us leap to where we should be in terms of caring for the characters. We hope Ralph will learn the truth about Sugar Rush’s mysterious past and help Vanellope achieve her dreams before the finale, which culminates in a one-two punch of a fantastic car race (including a huge reveal of the film’s true villain) coupled with the impending destruction of Sugar Rush from a horde of giant cyber-bugs Ralph accidentally brought in from Hero’s Duty.

Looking back on all the buzz that preceded Wreck-It Ralph’s release, there was no way for it to live up to the hype. But it still delivers in terms of pure entertainment. Some name-calling and poop jokes aside, it’s hopefully another solid step in Disney’s emergence from Pixar’s shadow and back to the quality animated storytelling they hinted at with Bolt a few years back.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

FilmBoy loved Wreck-It Ralph – he and I couldn’t stop talking about it as we left the theater. His affection for video games and their characters surely played a part. Jack-Jack thought the film was “weird,” but couldn’t elaborate. The plot details and continuous action may have been a lot for him to process as a 6-year-old.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Wreck-It Ralph is rated PG for “some rude humor and mild action violence.”
Violence/Scariness: Heavily armed soldiers shoot at giant cyber-bugs, some of which grow machine gun arms and shoot (no one is hurt). A character comically pulls a zombie's heart out of his chest, then puts it back. In another comic scene, Calhoun punches Felix several times, giving him black eyes, broken teeth, and bruises (they heal immediately when he touches his face with his magic hammer). In a brief flashback, a character is eaten by an alien bug. Calhoun and Ralph occasionally punch others and destroy their surroundings. Vanellope drives her car into a wall and comically spits out a tooth (no blood). Mean girls tear apart Vanellope’s car, which Ralph helps rebuild but then destroys himself because he’s told that racing it could kill her (she sobs and calls him names). The film’s villain makes a final appearance in a mutated form that could be scary to young children. A little girl transforms into a princess and tells other girls they will be executed for being mean; she then says it was a joke. There’s talk about characters dying permanently outside of their own video games; a few scenes show characters in life-threatening situations.
Language: There’s frequent use of insults and name-calling, including “I hate you," "shut your chew hole," "pussy willows," "doody," "numbskull," “moron,” “idiot,” “dumb,” “stupid,” “diaper-baby,” “stinky brain,” and my personal favorite, “Miss Fartfeathers.” Rude humor includes mentions of “puke,” “butt load,” and a running joke about Hero’s Duty (as in “doody.”).
Alcohol: A character pours himself a martini. A scene takes place in a game called Tapper, in which characters drink root beer from beer mugs. Characters are also briefly seen drinking at a dance party.
Adult situations: Two characters exchange a passionate kiss in two different scenes.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Even if she’s not a serious gamer, she’ll love Wreck-It Ralph: endearing characters on a fantastic adventure, with several tender moments served up along the way. (Also, Disney, if you’re reading this: My wife said she would love to play the game Sugar Rush for real. Get on that, please.)

In one of these hands, I’ve got Q*Bert.

Go ahead…guess.

I SAID GUESS!!!

Wreck-It Ralph
* Directors: Rich Moore
* Screenwriters: Phil Johnston, Jennifer Lee
* Stars: John C. Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Sarah Silverman
* MPAA Rating: PG


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Cars 2 (2011)

I’M SURE I’M NOT ALONE when I say I have two boys under the age of ten who love Pixar’s 2006 release Cars. It’s a near-perfect match for young boys: A cartoon movie about talking cars, fast races, and the true meaning of loyalty and friendship. (And to my wife’s satisfaction, the meanest villain is merely an obnoxious cheater.)

So when Dash heard there was going to be a Cars 2, we knew we’d be going to see it the moment it hit theaters. It’s Pixar, they’re characters our family loves, and it’s based on Pixar’s most kid-friendly film. It’s bound to be great, right?

Right?

Plot:
Star racecar Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) and his best friend, tow truck Mater (Larry the Cable Guy), head overseas to compete in the first-ever World Grand Prix. But the road to the championship is filled with potholes, detours, and surprises when Mater gets caught up in an intriguing adventure of his own: international espionage. Torn between assisting Lightning McQueen in the high-profile races and being part of a top-secret spy mission, Mater's journey leads him on explosive chases through the streets of Japan and Europe, trailed by his friends and watched by the whole world.

Critique:

In various interviews, Cars 2 director (and Pixar co-founder and Disney/Pixar Chief Creative Officer) John Lassetter has said he wanted to do something completely different with this sequel compared to the original.

And therein lies the problem.

Cars 2 is far removed from what made the original so endearing (even if Cars is basically Doc Hollywood with wheels). Cars 2 is driven entirely by plot, not character – the complete antithesis of any Pixar film that came before it. To make matters worse, the plot (a battle of alternative fuel vs. oil) is far too complex and adult-centric for children to follow, much less care about.

In terms of characters, the old gang from Radiator Springs is back, but almost incidentally: Luigi, Guido, Fillmore, and Sarge join the adventure, but we only see the rest of the gang at the beginning and end of the film. Development of the main characters is also at a minimum: There are occasional hints at the special friendship of McQueen and Mater, but the sentiment quickly vanishes and we’re off to the races again (literally).

Then there’s the noise factor. While it’s expected that McQueen’s three big races will have loud engines, screeching tires, and an occasional crash, the remainder of Cars 2 is flooded with booming explosions, unrelenting action, and extended scenes of bullet-spraying violence.

The screenplay by first-time Pixar scribe (and second-time feature film writer) Ben Queen feels like it was commissioned rather than crafted. There’s near-zero character depth, and jokes often feel like they’re pulled from a sitcom, relying too often on toilet humor and double entendre.

On the plus side: In true Pixar fashion, Cars 2 is visually gorgeous, especially the Tokyo segment. There are grown-up jokes about VIN numbers, Japanese culture, and airport security that hit the mark. And the idea that all the villain cars are discontinued lemons (Pacer, Gremlin, etc.) is inspired.

Unlike Pixar’s previous, moving films like Toy Story 3, Up, and WALL-E, not one tear will be shed by anyone while watching Cars 2…except maybe tears of sadness for how badly Pixar has stumbled with this entry (which unfortunately comes out as the company celebrates its 25th anniversary).

Taking into account Lassetter’s unabashed love of cars and what makes them go vroom, Cars 2 comes off as a pet project by the boss that no one dared question in terms of its unoriginal storytelling, lack of character development, convoluted plot, and inappropriateness for children.

It’s been five years since Lassetter directed the original Cars, and a dozen years since his previous Pixar directing gig, Toy Story 2. In that time, it seems he’s either losing his touch as a director...or has lost touch with what audiences want from a Pixar film.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

Sitting through Cars 2 is an exhausting experience for filmgoers of any age, but especially for kids. Dash and Jack-Jack were restless and fidgety by the end of the second act; the endless onslaught of car chases, gunfire, and explosions simply drained them. Also, like the original Cars, this sequel clocks in at nearly 2 hours – way too long for the attention span of children.

Is it suitable for your kids?

It’s unfathomable how Cars 2 received a G rating by the MPAA. It contains even more intense action and violence than Pixar’s PG-rated The Incredibles. Nearly every car involved in espionage fires a gun, and many of the shootouts are excessive; also, several cars are tortured and killed.
In addition to the scatological humor, there’s other questionable language including threats of violence (“Lightning McQueen must be killed,” “I’m gonna make sure you stay dead”), sexually suggestive insults (“Your mother,” “Your sister”), and in the Tokyo segment, Mater hits a gong and declares, “Bang a gong, get it on!”

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she’s looking for the sentiment and fun from the original Cars in this sequel, she’ll be highly disappointed.

Vee have vays uff making you like zis movie...

Cars 2
* Director: John Lassetter
* Screenwriter: Ben Queen
* Stars: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, John Turturro, Eddie Izzard
* MPAA Rating: G


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