Sushi Girl (2012)

ON A DARK AND RAINY NIGHT, four men who botched a diamond heist six years ago reunite to celebrate the arrival of their fifth member, Fish (The Neverending Story’s Noah Hathaway), who was just released from prison and has kept his mouth shut about his partners in crime and the location of the diamonds. The celebration takes place during a sushi dinner, served off the naked body of a beautiful woman (Cortney Palm).

However, the celebration quickly turns to suspicion: The four men – leader Duke (Candyman’s Tony Todd), foul-mouthed hothead Max (Andy Mackenzie), recovering addict Francis (James Duval), and effeminate sadist Crow (Mark Hamill) – believe that Fish knows where the missing loot is. And they’ll stop at nothing to find out the truth.

Comparisons of Sushi Girl to Reservoir Dogs are inevitable and multiple. Much like Quentin Tarantino’s neo-classic, Sushi Girl takes place entirely in one central location; several of its criminals torture and mutilate a person to get information; suspicion grows that there’s a rat among them; their heist and its fallout are shown in flashbacks; and it all revolves around a missing stash of diamonds. Sushi Girl even ends with a Mexican standoff between several members of the crew, a la the final showdown between Dogs’ surviving criminals. (A twist following Sushi Girl’s standoff comes off more as “huh” than “wow.”)

Much like Reservoir Dogs, Sushi Girl’s singular setting could lend it to a stage performance – an irony, since the cast delivers their dialogue with such heavy-handed melodramatics it feels as if they’re playing to a theater audience. Nearly unrecognizable in the cast is Star Wars’ Hamill, looking like the love child of Kurt Cobain and Truman Capote. He really seems to be relishing the role, hamming it up without being a complete camera hog. (The cast also includes why-bother cameos by Michael Biehn, Jeff Fahey, and Danny Trejo (The Grind), all crammed into one five-minute flashback.) 

Sushi Girl director Kern Saxton (who co-wrote the script with the co-star of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker) offers some wonderful tracking shots and tinges of dark humor. But he makes it hard for us to believe this group of drastically different and combative criminals would even agree on where to get lunch, let alone collaborate on an armed diamond heist. Derivative, gratuitous, and self-indulgent, Sushi Girl is indeed raw…but watching it feels like getting food poisoning of the eyes.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

No. Sushi Girl is rated R for strong bloody violence, torture, language, nudity, and brief drug use.
Strong Bloody Violence: Multiple people are shot, with blood splatterings a-plenty; one man has his hand cut off, and the bloody stump is shown.
Torture: Long scenes of torture, where a character is punched repeatedly, has his ribs broken, chop sticks are driven into his legs, and his face is ripped to shreds from a swinging bag of broken glass.
Language: A countless amount of strong profanities, racial epithets, gay slurs, and crude insults.
Nudity: A woman's nude body is shown in close-up and in long shots throughout most of the film (sometimes with strategically placed pieces of sushi covering the naughty bits).
Alcohol/Drugs: The men at the sushi dinner drink sake. A man snorts a line of cocaine.
Miscellaneous: A man vomits into a sink.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She may be intrigued by the casting of Star Wars icon Mark Hamill in a way-against-type role, but the overabundance of tough-guy talk combined with the graphic violence and torture will probably turn her off.

(gulp) "Uh, I'm sorry sir, but your card has been declined..."

Sushi Girl
* Director: Kern Saxton
* Screenwriters: Destin Pfaff and Kern Saxton
* Stars: Tony Todd, James Duval, Noah Hathaway, Andy Mackenzie, Mark Hamill, Cyrus Alexander, Michael Biehn, Sonny Chiba, Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey, Cortney Palm
* MPAA Rating: R



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Kirby: Fright to the Finish (2005)

MOST KIDS HAVE one obsession. Something they know everything about. Something they can’t stop talking about. For Dash, it’s Kirby.

You may know Kirby from the many Nintendo videogames he’s starred in over the last twenty years, each featuring a massive cast of characters and powers that make me feel older every time I try to memorize them. In other words, if you’ve ever felt confused or overwhelmed by shows such as Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Dragonball Z, or Bakugan, you may feel the same way with Kirby’s universe. (Click here for a primer.)

But in addition to videogames, Kirby also has been the star of his own TV series, Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, which ran on American television in the early 2000s – and culminated with the full-length movie, Kirby: Fright to the Finish.

Plot:
Kirby finds his greatest challenge yet when an invasion of alien spaceships nearly destroys his planet, and he sets off into outer space to confront his archrival eNeMeE ("enemy").

Critique:

Kirby: Fright to the Finish wastes no time getting started: It jumps in exactly where the TV series left off, as we watch Kirby and his friends try to stop eNeMeE once and for all. The action and chase sequences are pretty exciting, even a little bit intense – with lots of weapon attacks and explosions. It all leads to a final battle sequence (Kirby’s crew attacking eNeMeE’s fortress) that gives big-budget, wide-release films a run for their money.

Throughout Fright to the Finish, Kirby acquires unique superpowers by inhaling certain items while riding his Warpstar. It’d take a whole other review to name and describe them all, but here’s a sampling: Baton Kirby, Water Kirby, Iron Kirby, Top Kirby, Crash Kirby, Cook Kirby, Ice Kirby, Bomb Kirby, and Fire Kirby. With each power Kirby obtains, he’s able to lay the smack down on the bad guys in a new and unique way.

For grown-ups, there are a couple of characters whose voices will sound familiar: The awesomely named Meta Knight sounds like Bela Lugosi (he even dons a Dracula-like cape), while King Dedede’s lackey, a snail named Escargoon, sounds like an aggravated Paul Lynde.

I can see why Dash likes Kirby so much; frankly, I probably would have dug him if he were around during my childhood. He’s the classic case of not judging a book by its cover: a cute and unassuming pink puff who, when provoked or threatened, can kick some serious butt.

Yes, there are many, many characters in Kirby’s world. But even though I can’t tell Waddle Dee from Waddle Doo, or Lololo from Lalala, it doesn’t take away from how much fun it is to watch Kirby: Fright to the Finish. It stands on its own as a highly entertaining film.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

Are you kidding? Finding Kirby: Fright to the Finish on Amazon for a measly $4 was the biggest and best investment we’ve ever made, as far as Dash is concerned. It’s one of his favorite films, if not the favorite. Jack-Jack enjoys the Kirby-verse as well, getting a kick out of all the different, colorful, magical characters.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Some action scenes in Kirby: Fright to the Finish can get a bit intense, with explosions and Kirby and his friends in peril (the scene where eNeMeE’s “Destryas” (right) attack Kirby’s village is pretty heavy). There is also some minor name-calling (“lame-o”), and a villain describes his wish to push someone off a bridge.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She might make an emotional investment when Kirby and his equally cute friends are in danger, but the amount of action, battles, and stuff blowing up makes me think she may tune out before the end credits.

'Cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed...uh...
I'll say "vertically challenged humanoid?"

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Son of Godzilla (1967)

TO MY DELIGHT, Dash showed an interest in Godzilla last year when he discovered the Saturday morning animated series from the late ‘70s, which was a childhood favorite of mine during its brief run.

But for Dash and Jack-Jack’s first exposure to the classic Godzilla movies, I needed something just as age-appropriate. That may sound silly, since the Godzilla flicks are essentially men fighting in rubber suits as they demolish models of Japanese cities and villages. But in many of these films, the humans are more violent than the monsters. (In Destroy All Monsters, people are shot in the head and throw themselves off cliffs.)

So after checking the “parents guide” pages of many of the Godzilla flicks at the IMDb, I landed on Son of Godzilla.

Plot:
Scientists experimenting with changes in weather on a tropical island get more than they bargained for when Godzilla shows up to battle humongous insects and protect his newborn child, Minilla.

Critique:

Purists of the Godzilla franchise largely disown Son of Godzilla, calling it pandering and childish compared to other entries in the series. But that’s exactly why it felt like a good place to start with my 8- and 5-year old boys.

It’s easy to see why more fervent fans of the Godzilla series find Son of Godzilla a bit corny. A couple of examples:

• The opening situations involving the scientists on the island, and the musical score that accompanies them, are very lighthearted and reminiscent of the tone of live-action Disney films of the same era.
• Goofy music plays whenever Minilla is fumbling about, and at one point the filmmakers even have Minilla throw a kicking, screaming temper tantrum on his back.

The film spends too much time trying to give substance to the scientists’ efforts to control the weather, and there’s a budding romance between investigative reporter Goro (Akira Kubo) and native island girl Riko (Bibari Maeda) that’s harmless enough.

But the human storylines aren’t why we watch these films. We want to see giant rubber monsters throw down, which is what makes the classic Godzilla films exciting, cheesy fun (here, Godzilla and Minilla battle giant praying mantises and a monstrous, web-slinging spider). Unfortunately, the battles in Son of Godzilla are infrequent, and the best clash (where Godzilla takes on the praying mantises) is early in the film and too brief to be satisfying.

While Son of Godzilla is by no means a classic (though the ending is oddly touching), it was a good first choice for introducing Dash and Jack-Jack to the Godzilla film series. Now the question is: Which one do we see next? Suggestions are welcome in the comments below.

Tidbits:
* A year after Son of Godzilla, Kubo also starred in the aforementioned Destroy All Monsters.
* Director Jun Fukuda directed several other films in the Godzilla series, including Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Godzilla vs. Gigan, Godzilla vs. Megalon, and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

After only one brief appearance by Godzilla in the first 25 minutes, Jack-Jack’s patience was tested, while surprisingly Dash was interested in the dubbed dialogue of the Japanese cast. To their credit, they both stuck with it to the end, even when there were long stretches of action-less dialogue (a pitfall of many of the Godzilla films).
Dash (on the praying mantis): “It’s not really scary.”
Jack-Jack: “I think I like the girl the most. I think the girl knows everything.”

Is it suitable for your kids?

Son of Godzilla is rated PG for “sci-fi monster violence.” Godzilla bodyslams and breathes fire on several of the giant mantises, as well as the giant spider. In a couple of other scenes, Minilla is in peril as the monsters pursue him. Also, a man is attacked by one of the giant spider’s claws, but escapes unharmed.
From the humans, there are separate mentions of a concentration camp and having a cold beer, men shoot their rifles at a giant praying mantis, a man gets grazed in the arm by a bullet, and there is a brief scene of smoking.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

I haven’t met any serious female Godzilla fans in my lifetime, though I’m sure they’re out there. I’m guessing this would be more of a you-and-the-boy(s) situation if you decide to check it out.

And he was stompin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,

He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad / You know I'm gonna be like you."

Son of Godzilla
* Director: Jun Fukuda
* Screenwriters: Shinichi Sekizawa, Kazue Shiba
* Stars: Tadao Takashima, Akira Kubo, Bibari Maeda
* MPAA Rating: PG


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