Win an Epic Prize Pack - a $40 value!

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YOU COULD WIN a prize pack for the new animated film Epic, opening May 24!

Prize pack includes:
* $25 Visa card to see the film
* Mub Slug Hat
* Kids Planting Set

Synopsis: Epic is a 3D CG action-adventure comedy that reveals a hidden world unlike any other. From the creators of Ice Age and Rio, Epic tells the story of an ongoing battle deep in the forest between the forces of good and evil. When a teenage girl finds herself magically transported into this secret universe, she must band together with a rag-tag team of fun and whimsical characters to save their world…and ours. Starring the voices of Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson, Amanda Seyfried, Christoph Waltz, Aziz Ansari, Chris O’Dowd, Pitbull, Jason Sudeikis, Steven Tyler and Beyoncé Knowles.

Good luck!
Prize is available to U.S. mailing addresses only. (No P.O. Boxes, please.)
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Kung Fu Magoo (2010)

MENTION THE NAME “Mr. Magoo” to anyone under 30, and you’ll probably get a blank stare. Or in honor of Magoo’s handicap, maybe a squinting, legally blind stare.

Mr. Magoo was a series of cartoon shorts created in 1949 featuring the misadventures of Quincy Magoo (voiced by Gilligan’s Island star Jim Backus), whose incredibly poor vision put him in all kinds of slapstick misunderstandings, with Magoo completely oblivious to what was really happening. Over the years, Magoo has appeared in various TV series, holiday specials, and movies (including a dreadful live-action film starring Leslie Nielsen). The latest incarnation is 2010’s Kung Fu Magoo, which has Mr. Magoo (Jim Conroy) sharing a home with his nephew Justin (Dylan Sprouse), who mostly rolls his eyes at his uncle’s nearsighted antics.

After inadvertently saving a busload of students from a robotic villain, Mr. Magoo is labeled a hero and recruited by the government to infiltrate Bad Bad Island, with Justin and Mr. Magoo’s dog McBarker along for the trip. Bad Bad Island is led by the sinister Tan Gu (Lloyd Floyd), who is holding the Evilympics, where the toughest supervillains compete in events such as building doomsday devices, battling giant spider robots, and yes, knuckle cracking. Also competing is Justin’s hero, action movie star Cole Fusion (Chris Parnell), who’s there to prove he’s more than just another pretty face.

Despite the film’s title, we don’t get a lot of kung fu fighting from Mr. Magoo. (He gets his moniker because someone thinks he’s striking a Karate Kid-like crane pose while tangled in fishing line.) However, the film makes up for this by providing non-stop action throughout, mostly thanks to the Evilympics events and several chase sequences involving Magoo, Justin, and various pursuants. And while not every one of Magoo’s myopic misunderstandings is laugh-out-loud funny, several are truly hilarious.

A joint effort from DreamWorks Classics (formerly Classic Media) and Mexican-based Anima Estudios, Kung Fu Magoo maintains the spirit of the classic Mr. Magoo character within a contemporary, fast-paced, enjoyable film.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy think?

Initially, he didn’t know what to make of Mr. Magoo – but once Kung Fu Magoo got rolling, he was laughing out loud on several occasions.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence/Scariness: Cartoonish violence abounds (punching, knife-throwing, laser guns, rocket launchers, etc.); a boy bullies Justin on several occasions, mostly via water balloons.
Rude Humor: McBarker vomits over the side of a boat; a robot is kicked in the groin and self-destructs; a bird poops on Mr. Magoo’s head. Justin’s best friend in school is a poor Indian stereotype, with a thick accent and protruding teeth.
Language: “Jerk,” “freak,” “hotness,” “kicking butt”

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She could do worse than having to sit through Kung Fu Magoo with your kids. It’s often exciting and intermittently funny. And if she’s a Gen-Xer or older, she might feel nostalgic seeing Mr. Magoo again.

“Um, Bob? You might wanna bring a deadlier weapon next time…”

Kung Fu Magoo
* Director: Andrés Couturier
* Screenwriters: Emmy Laybourne, Rob Sosin, Robert Mittenthal
* Stars: Jim Conroy, Lloyd Floyd, Dylan Sprouse, Cole Sprouse, Alyson Stoner, Tom Kenny, Chris Parnell, Rodger Bumpass, Maile Flanagan, Wally Wingert, Candi Milo
* MPAA Rating: N/A



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Texas Chainsaw (2013)

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE has established itself as a true classic of relentless terror. But its many sequels, prequels, and remakes have delivered continually diminishing returns. This year’s Texas Chainsaw picks up where the original Chainsaw left off, with an opening sequence that shows the demented Sawyer family holed up in their farmhouse, surrounded by an armed, angry mob. The mob opens fire on the house and then burns the place down, apparently killing everyone inside – including the maniacal Leatherface, who wields the titular chainsaw and wears a mask of human skin.

Fast forward a couple decades, and we meet Heather (Alexandra Daddario), who learns that a grandmother she never knew has died and left Heather her mansion in Texas. Bringing along her friends Ryan (Trey Songz), Nikki (Lost’s Tania Raymonde), and Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sánchez), Heather heads to her grandmother’s mansion to finalize some paperwork. Turns out that inheriting Grandma’s mansion comes with a little snag: Leatherface (Dan Yeager) is alive and living in the sprawling basement, which he’s turned into his personal butcher shop.

Like the many Chainsaw films that followed the largely bloodless original, Texas Chainsaw piles on the gore – with Leatherface putting his trusty saw to use on several victims, including his own grisly not-so-magic trick of sawing a person in half. (Texas Chainsaw’s gore comes courtesy of FX master Greg Nicotero, who also worked on Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III.)

But Texas Chainsaw is more than a story about a boy and his power tool; the sins of the past also come to light, as Heather discovers her connection to the Sawyer family – and uncovers the tragic demise of a family she never knew. Corrupt policemen, brutish locals, and small-town secrets start playing a big (if not bigger) role than the horror of Leatherface, and the film falls into some sort of horror/crime hybrid that dilutes any small shred of terror it succeeded in creating.

Texas Chainsaw director John Luessenhop should get credit for attempting a fresh approach to bridge to the original film, as well as taking the terror of Leatherface beyond the house of horrors and into the local population (police investigate the killings, and Leatherface chases Heather through a crowded town fair). But not even cameos by the original Chainsaw cast can save this latest lackluster attempt at keeping the franchise alive. Uneven, rarely scary, and hobbled by an awkward and unsatisfying conclusion, Texas Chainsaw is yet another sub-par installment in a film series where, nearly 40 years later, the first is still the best.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Texas Chainsaw is rated R for “strong grisly violence and language throughout.” So, no.
Violence: People are shot, impaled, bludgeoned to death, beheaded, dismembered, skinned alive, and ground into meat.
Sex/Nudity: Heather and Ryan make out, with Heather only wearing a bra on top. Nikki strips to her bra and panties on several occasions.
Language: Countless four-letter words. A couple mentions of “retard.”

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Highly doubtful. Even if she’s a horror film buff, avoid this one and watch the original.

Hmmm...decisions, decisions...

Texas Chainsaw
* Director: John Luessenhop
* Screenwriters: Adam Marcus, Debra Sullivan, Kirsten Elms
* Stars: Alexandra Daddario, Tania Raymonde, Scott Eastwood, Dan Yeager, Trey Songz, Shaun Sipos, Keram Malicki-Sanchez, James MacDonald, Thom Barry, Paul Rae, Richard Riehle, Bill Moseley
* MPAA Rating: R



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Bee Movie (2007)

MY AFFECTION FOR DreamWorks Animation has definitely grown over the last five years, thanks to more deeply developed offerings such as the Kung Fu Panda films, How to Train Your Dragon, and last year’s Rise of the Guardians.

But before that, DreamWorks’ output lacked the depth and imagination that Pixar was providing in droves. And 2007’s Bee Movie is (hopefully) one of the last installments of that earlier time.

Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) is a college grad who’s eager to begin his career as a worker bee in his hive. Since bees have a short lifespan, he knows he has to make his career choice count – once a bee picks a job in the hive, they’re stuck with it for the rest of their (abbreviated) life. While out collecting pollen, Barry befriends Vanessa (Renée Zellweger), a human who values all living things, including Barry. When Barry is outraged that people have been “stealing” bees’ honey for years, Vanessa helps him file a lawsuit against the human race.

Bee Movie is pollinated here and there with make-you-smile cleverness, but out-loud laughs are few. Many jokes will go over kids’ heads, but the punchlines won’t satisfy the adults who get them. (It really took four writers to come up with this?)

In addition to uneven humor and lack of character depth, the film demands huge suspensions of disbelief. The fact that Vanessa accepts and befriends a talking bee after only a few moments is hard to swallow, not to mention the swarms of people in the courtroom during Barry’s lawsuit trial who also seem unaffected by Barry’s ability to speak. It’s also tough buying the seasoned, “lemme tell ya” voice of 53-year-old Jerry Seinfeld as a recent college graduate. (If you’re dying for a Jerry/Puddy reunion, Seinfeld’s Patrick Warburton voices Vanessa’s arrogant and jealous boyfriend, Ken.)

Bee Movie starts with a promising premise – questioning the idea of having one monotonous job your entire life (a la Wreck-It Ralph) – but soon devolves into a much less engaging plot involving a courtroom trial that kids won’t care about, much less understand. Uneven and too clever for its own good, Bee Movie provides occasional glimpses of inspiration, but ultimately not enough sting.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

FilmBoy stayed with Bee Movie for the first hour, but then his attention waned and he started looking at his Pokemon cards. His final verdict: “It was okay.” Meanwhile, Jack-Jack soaked in every bit, getting visibly animated at much of what was going on.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Bee Movie is rated PG for "mild suggestive humor."
Language: A bee accuses Barry of “making out” with Vanessa. When he needs to go to the bathroom, Barry declares he needs to “drain the ol’ stinger.” A bee says of a female co-worker, “She’s hot!” Barry describes a character as being “very Jewish.” In a low moment, Barry and Vanessa jokingly discuss a “suicide pact” and how they would do it. One mention each of “drag queen,” “poo water,” and “heaving buttocks.”
Violence: Vanessa stabs herself with a fork to make sure she’s not dreaming. Barry has a dream where Vanessa crashes a plane she’s piloting and it bursts into flames. There are several scenes of slapstick punching and slapping. Ken tries to swat, smash, and light Barry on fire during a fight.
Adult Themes: There’s an ongoing theme, though handled lightheartedly, of dying and death due to the bee’s short lifespan.
Smoking: A human passerby smokes a cigarette.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

The images and premise of Bee Movie may appeal to her, but she may balk at the pedestrian humor and questionable adult material in such a child-targeted film.

Wow – that's one honey of a serve!
(Oh, boo-hiss to you, too.)

Bee Movie
* Directors: Steve Hickner, Simon J. Smith
* Screenwriters: Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Feresten, Barry Marder, Andy Robin
* Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Renée Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, Patrick Warburton, John Goodman, Chris Rock, Kathy Bates, Eddie Izzard, Alan Arkin, Megan Mullally, Rip Torn, Larry Miller, Barry Levinson
* MPAA Rating: PG



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Congrats to the winner of the Best of Warner Bros. 100 Film Collection!

And...

The winner is...

Amy Bond!

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest - and for making this my most popular giveaway ever.

Win the Best of Warner Bros. 100 Film Collection! (a $600 value)

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’m giving this away: You could win the Best of Warner Bros. 100 Film Collection!

This collection makes a great last-minute Mother’s Day gift. It features 100 classic films (including all 22 of Warner Bros.’ Best Picture™ winners) on 55 DVDs, presented in book-style premium packaging. It also includes two all-new documentaries, Tales from the Warner Bros. Lot and The Warner Bros. Lot Tour, plus hours of commentaries, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and more on select films, as well as a limited edition 27” x 40” poster and a postcard series of Warner Bros. movie posters designed by the legendary Bill Gold. View full film list

How to Enter:

• Comment on this post by May 8, 2013. You must provide a way for me to contact you if you win. For example, your e-mail address must be available on the page/site that's linked to your name ("Bob said...") or include your email or Twitter handle in your comment.
• I will pick one comment at random and post the winner.
• Prize is available to U.S. mailing addresses only. (No P.O. Boxes, please.)

After you’ve entered, check out the Mother’s Day Movie Night Blog App, featuring:

• Guess-the-Scene – How well do you know the silver screen’s most famous love stories and sing-a-longs? Test your knowledge on the world’s greatest films. The quicker you pick, the more points you score!
• Words in Film – Select your mood and let quotes and images from film express how you’re feeling.
• Movie Night Conversation Starters – Watching a classic flick together is the perfect opportunity to catch up and share stories. This Mother’s Day, make it a point to connect with your family and give them a chance to learn something about mom they never knew!

You can also download “My Perfect Mother’s Day” (PDF), a fun fill-in-the-blank sheet you can fill out and hang on your fridge for your whole family to see.

Good luck!

Superfights (1995)

SOMETIMES, I WORRY that I won’t see another film worthy of Trashterpiece Theatre. But then along comes a movie like Superfights, and all is right with the world.

“Superfights,” as if I have to tell you, are a type of pro wrestling/martial arts hybrid – “where no one knows the outcome!” the announcer assures us – with Superfighters sporting gimmicky nicknames such as Budokai, Dark Cloud, and Night Stalker. Mega-fan Jack Cody (Brandon Gaines) attends every event, even teaching himself the moves he sees his favorite Superfighters perform. (Conveniently, he works in a warehouse full of mannequins, which he uses as practice dummies.)

After Jack becomes a local celebrity by beating up a trio of would-be muggers, he’s recruited by Superfights president Mr. Sawyer (Keith Vitali) to compete in the ring. Jack trains with Angel (Kelly Gallant), a freakishly muscular female Superfighter who overtly flirts with Jack but may have ulterior motives. Watch in amazement as Angel trains Jack using the latest advancements in 1995 technology, including punching at a stream of light and dodging giant phallic pipes that dart out of the walls.

Oh, I almost forgot: Mr. Sawyer’s Superfights empire might be a front for extortion, drug running, mind control, and murder.

Superfights captures the pure essence of direct-to-video, B-movie action flicks of the mid-‘90s. The B-level acting. The hokey, overly serious training montages. The meathead, be-the-best mentality of the fighters. The gratuitous violence. The melodramatic soundtrack, awash in mid-‘90s synth and squealing guitar riffs. This one’s got it all, set against the martial arts hotbed of…Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

The film also features other ridiculous moments, such as Jack getting attacked by a ninja while jogging in broad daylight – a ninja who, while fleeing, literally tells Jack to “just say no” to the “vitamins” supplied by Angel as part of Jack’s Superfighters regimen.

All that being said, the fight scenes in Superfights are in-sane. Director and fight choreographer Tony Leung gives us dozens of fights featuring rapid-fire exchanges, impressive editing, and over-exaggerated impact with blood, sweat, and spit flying everywhere. It culminates in a multi-fight finale between Cody and Sawyer that’s so amazing, I immediately replayed it once the credits started to roll.

A real-life third-degree black belt, Gaines’ role in Superfights was his first and last in films; he’s now a public speaker, rabbi, and acupuncturist living in California. Gallant, unfortunately, has had her share of run-ins with the law since Superfights, including a wrongful death lawsuit and recent arrests for DUI and probation violation.

Highly entertaining and a candidate for repeat viewing, Superfights delivers the goods in both martial arts action and cheeseballiness – rightfully earning its spot in the Trashterpiece pantheon.

(Bonus: Watch for a brief appearance by wrestling legend Rob Van Dam as a doomed Superfighter. His fight was originally supposed to be much shorter, but the filmmakers were so impressed with his physical abilities that they made his fight longer and took a full day to shoot.)

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence: The Superfights get increasingly violent, leading to bloodied faces and broken bones. Superfighters beat up citizens and two-bit hoods while collecting “protection” money. Several people are beaten to death, many with blood spurting from their mouths. A man is bloodily decapitated by a ceiling fan.
Sex/Nudity: Angel is seen briefly nude from behind as she enters a shower. Jack and Angel share a kiss wearing nothing but bathrobes. Angel makes several overt advances on Jack, with lots of grabbing and groping. Sawyer and Angel are shown getting dressed post-coitus.
Language: “A**hole,” “bulls**t,” “s**t”
Drugs: Superfighters are shown taking Sawyer’s steroid-laced, mind-controlling “vitamins.” A man snorts cocaine.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she’s the kind of person who enjoys B-movies and talking back to the screen, but doesn’t mind some violence and bloodshed thrown in the mix, Superfights could be a great film for you to share. Otherwise, check it out yourself or with some friends.

Experience the awesome Superfights trailer,

then try in vain to fight your urge to see the film:

Superfights
* Director: Tony Leung
* Screenwriter: Keith W. Strandberg
* Stars: Brandon Gaines, Feihong Yu, Keith Vitali, Kelly Gallant, Chuck Jeffreys, Cliff Lenderman, Brian Ruth, Patrick Lung-Kong, Karen Bill
* MPAA Rating: PG-13


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Win a Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack of The Guilt Trip and a Deluxe Spa Kit!

 
JUST IN TIME FOR MOTHER'S DAY:
You could win a Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack of The Guilt Trip starring Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand, plus a deluxe spa kit.






The Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack comes ready-wrapped and includes a pop-up Mother's Day greeting card with audio message:

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

The spa kit includes: sauna basket, olive & aloe soap, honey & calendula moisturizer, cool mint foot scrub, Whenever shampoo and conditioner, anti-stress shower gel, whitening toothpaste, early-to-bed shower gel, loofa, pumice stone, massaging brush, nail brush, and hair brush.



How to Enter:

• Comment on this post by April 28, 2013. You must provide a way for me to contact you if you win. For example, your e-mail address must be available on the page/site that's linked to your name ("Bob said...") or include your e-mail or Twitter handle in your comment.
• I will pick one comment at random and post the winner.
• Prize is available to U.S. mailing addresses only. (No P.O. Boxes, please.)

Good luck!

GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (2012)

I BECAME A FAN OF PRO WRESTLING in late 1984, in the months leading up to the World Wrestling Federation (WWF)’s first WrestleMania. It all started for me with Greg “The Hammer” Valentine defeating Tito Santana for the Intercontinental Championship and tearing Tito’s ACL with the dreaded figure-four leglock. (Don’t worry, fans: Santana regained the title the following summer in a steel cage match.)

While the WWF (now WWE) had its share of cartoonish two-dimensional characters during the ‘80s, it was nothing compared to the first all-women wrestling organization, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW).

From 1986 until its abrupt end in 1990, GLOW’s roster was comprised entirely of “gimmick” wrestlers sporting clichéd ringwear and names like Ninotchka, Hollywood, Babe the Farmer’s Daughter, Matilda the Hun, Tina Ferrari, Dementia, Mt. Fiji, Jailbait, Lightning, Godiva, The Heavy Metal Sisters, and Big Bad Mama. With its weekly TV show from the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas, which featured matches as well as skits with punchlines on the level of Laugh-In or Hee Haw, GLOW made the WWF look like Masterpiece Theatre.

The documentary GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling takes a look back at this campy yet groundbreaking organization through interviews with the women who lived it. There are no third-party “experts” or wrestling historians telling the GLOW story; the women speak for themselves, discussing how they each got started, the essence of their characters, and the rigors of training and performing.

The women also talk about dealing with the mental and verbal abuse doled out by mercurial GLOW director/promoter Matt Cimber, who had a Hollywood background (his ex was Jayne Mansfield) and a close friendship with Riviera owner Meshulam Riklis, whose then-wife was actress Pia Zadora (Santa Claus Conquers the Martians). Interestingly, the two male driving forces behind GLOW – Cimber and creator/host Mike McClaine – declined to be interviewed for the film.

What’s also interesting about GLOW: Not a single wrestler badmouths her experience. There’s not an iota of resentment from any of them. These women saw themselves as a very unified group (the term “sisterhood” is used more than once) and they’re enthusiastic to discuss their time with GLOW, whether the memories are good or bad. In fact, any hardship at the hands of their bosses – including Cimber’s frequent jabs at their weight – gets laughed off by those who are retelling it.

Similarly, if you’re looking for an exploitative exposé on ‘80s excess, you won’t find it here. There are no scandals, no tales of debauchery, no drug arrests, no steroid use, no complaints of any of the wrestlers being a “bad worker.” And no one is still trudging around the ring like some decrepit relic a la The Wrestler’s Randy the Ram. (The only sad story is that of Mt. Fiji, who’s interviewed from a hospital bed as she has spent several years in a nursing home.) The film culminates in an emotional GLOW reunion, the only one that’s ever taken place since the organization folded more than 20 years ago.

What ever happened to the women of GLOW is probably not a burning question on people’s minds in 2013. But for fans of ‘80s wrestling like me, it was enjoyable to watch these ladies reminisce fondly about their time in the ring. They were a band of largely inexperienced sisters who created a weekly, successful all-female program in a male-dominated industry. And that, in its purest sense, is something truly gorgeous.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence: Wrestling matches featuring the GLOW women “attacking” each other. Gruesome footage is shown of Lightning breaking her arm during a match.
Sex/Nudity: Archive footage is shown of a GLOW wrestler wearing nothing but a towel. Hollywood holds her issue of Playboy, though she covers up the photos of her spread.
Language: A few four-letter words and derogatory terms for women.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Beneath the glitter and spandex, there are messages about women’s empowerment, unity, and perseverance. Any of these could be a reason for your FilmMother to watch this entertaining documentary with you. (Point of reference: My wife entered the room halfway through GLOW, working on other things. By the end, it had her full attention.)

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa...I take it back, Itakeitback, ITAKEITBAAAACK!!!

GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling
* Director: Brett Whitcomb
* Screenwriter: Bradford Thomason
* Stars: Lori Palmer (Ninotchka), Jeanne Basone (Hollywood), Ursula Hayden (Babe the Farmer’s Daughter), Dee Booher (Matilda the Hun), Lisa Moretti (Tina Ferrari), Emily Dole (Mt. Fiji), Trish Casella (Jailbait), Cheryl Rusa (Lightning), Dawn Rice (Godiva), Helena Le Count (Daisy), Donna Willinsky (Spike), Sharon Willinsky (Chainsaw), Lynn Braxton (Big Bad Mama), Matt Cimber
* MPAA Rating: N/A

A Turtle’s Tale 2: Sammy’s Escape from Paradise (2012)

MY MAIN GRIPE ABOUT 2010's A Turtle’s Tale: Sammy’s Adventures was how such a beautifully animated film could house such a plodding story and minimal character development (not to mention a subtle-as-a-sledgehammer environmental message).


The hope was that director Ben Stassen would beef up his story and its players for A Turtle Tale’s 2: Sammy’s Escape from Paradise, where we’re reunited with an advanced-age Sammy (Johnny Wesley) and his best friend Ray (Thomas Lee), who find themselves trapped by poachers and dumped into The Tank, a lavish underwater restaurant/aquarium. As they try to reunite with their grandkids Ella (Shyloh Oostwald) and Ricky (Carter Hastings), who have followed them to The Tank, Sammy and Ray try to hatch an escape plan to get past Big D (Dennis O’Connor), the tough-talking seahorse who rules the aquarium with an iron fin.

With A Turtle’s Tale 2, Stassen and his team have cut way back on the save-the-earth messaging of the original Turtle’s Tale, but the imbalance between animation and character depth still remains. Once again, the film is beautifully animated, with fluid character movement and sprawling seascapes. Unfortunately, the characters aren’t as engaging, nor is their dialogue.

This one-dimensional approach to the creatures’ personalities isn’t limited to Sammy, Ray, and their grandturtles. The inhabitants of The Tank are also one-note, stock stereotypes – a virtual United Nations of sea life sporting overbearing Spanish, French, and Italian accents, to name a few. And while Big D may be positioned as the big baddie who won’t let Sammy and Ray leave, he’s about as menacing as a tough-talking fish stick from Staten Island.

Save for one inspiring, extended sequence where Ella and Ricky are chased through the aquarium by a pair of barracudas, the action – whether to advance the plot or merely keep your attention – is virtually nil. It probably doesn’t help when your two leads are a pair of old, slow-moving sea turtles who make Finding Nemo’s Crush look like Usain Bolt.

A Turtle’s Tale 2 does feature an enjoyable yet odd use of a classic rock soundtrack, including Jimi Hendrix’s “All Along the Watchtower,” The Champs’ “Tequila,” and the morbid choice of the B-52’s “Rock Lobster” as a restaurant couple crack apart and slurp up a freshly served pair of the song’s titular crustaceans.

Just like its predecessor, A Turtle’s Tale 2 is a disappointing and frustrating experience. Stassen and his obviously talented team of animators and filmmakers have again put immense efforts into creating a visually enthralling world, but little to no effort into the characters who inhabit it. Gorgeous style, very little substance…and another wasted opportunity.

aka Sammy’s Great Escape.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

A Turtle’s Tale 2 was unable to keep their attention. By the halfway point, they were doing other things while the film played in the background. (Truth be told, I was checking the clock by that point, too.) FilmBoy’s official verdict? “It wasn’t the best movie ever. It was okay. It was definitely better than the first one.”

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence/Scariness: Seagulls try to eat a group of turtle hatchlings as they make a run from the beach to the ocean. A couple of dopey little fish are eaten by a pair of barracudas (one gulp, no blood). Ella and Ricky are in danger of being eaten as they’re chased by the same barracudas.
Rude Humor: Seagulls unleash a barrage of bird droppings on a boat’s crew.
Language: One mention of “idiot.” An eel declares, “You don’t have a friggin’ clue.”
Alcohol: Bartenders at a club in the aquarium mix and serve drinks.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She may want to watch it based on the setting, premise, and cute box art, but steer her clear. She’ll be bored within the first 30 minutes.

"What a cutie. Shame to eat 'em in just one bite..."

A Turtle’s Tale 2: Sammy’s Escape from Paradise
* Directors: Ben Stassen, Vincent Kesteloot
* Screenwriter: Dominic Paris
* Stars: Johnny Wesley, Thomas Lee, Shyloh Oostwald, Carter Hastings, Dennis O’Connor
* MPAA Rating: N/A



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