Wiener Dog Nationals (2013)

RECENTLY, JACK-JACK WAS OBSESSED with dachshunds, aka “wiener dogs.” Whenever he’d see one, he’d point it out and giggle until the little four-footed frankfurter was out of sight.

So when I heard there was a new family film all about wiener dogs, I was on it like relish on a…well, you know…

Wiener Dog Nationals introduces us to the Jack family: unemployed widower Phil (Jason London) and his three children, teenager Skip (Austin Anderson) and kids Bridget (Caitlin Carmichael) and Danny (Julian Feder). When Danny adopts a wiener dog named Shelly for his birthday, he discovers Shelly’s got speed and enters her – unbeknownst to Phil – in the Wiener Dog Nationals, a real-life dachshund race sponsored by the Wienerschnitzel fast food chain. With the help of Wiener Dog Nationals employee Melanie (Alicia Witt), Shelly and the Jacks keep one step ahead of the scheming Ms. Merryweather (Morgan Fairchild), a filthy-rich debutante who’ll stop at nothing to see her wiener dog, Princess, win the big race.

For a film called Wiener Dog Nationals – about a wiener dog who enters a series of wiener dog races – the amount of screen time dedicated to wiener dogs is shockingly minimal. Ironically, Shelly is marginalized in her own film. In fact, there’s so much screen time dedicated to the Jack family’s internal strife and miscommunication, the film should’ve been called A Fractured Family – Oh, and They Have a Dog Too.

First-time feature director Kevan Peterson should have added establishing scenes of Shelly bonding with Danny and his family beyond the dog races (of which, there are only three in the entire film). How about the kids playing with the dog? Getting into wacky antics much to the dismay of their strict father? Even when Shelly turns on the hijinks, it’s all shown after the fact: ripped-up couch pillows here, a chewed-up newspaper there. Where’s the fun in that?

As the exasperated dad, London spends the entire film looking either perplexed or annoyed. Fairchild comes off as Cruella DeVil Lite as she schmoozes the race’s head judge (Mad Men’s Bryan Batt) when not resorting to espionage and blackmail (!) to get Shelly disqualified. And don’t get me started on the always-painful experience of watching extended scenes of marginally talented kid actors struggling to deliver dialogue to each other (see Opposite Day, Labou).

By the time the stakes are raised in Wiener Dog Nationals’ last act, it’s too little too late. Shelly’s screen time has been scant, simple questions are left unanswered, and it all ends with (spoiler alert!) a happy ending, but an underwhelming one that basically says, “Shelly didn’t win the big race, but thanks to two completely unrelated disqualifications, she’s the winner by default!” Um, yay?

Flat and forgettable, Wiener Dog Nationals’ ultimate flaw is simple: It has too much dialogue, and not enough dachshunds. Or, as my wife puts it, “Too many words, not enough wieners.”

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

All I could get out of FilmBoy regarding Wiener Dog Nationals was complete indifference. Did he like it? “Sort of.” Jack-Jack could not be reached for comment (he fell asleep before the ending).

Is it suitable for your kids?

Wiener Dog Nationals is suitable for all ages. A few uses of “stupid” and “losers,” and Phil and Melanie make awkward advances toward each other, but that’s about it.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

My wife was unimpressed with Wiener Dog Nationals’ plot holes and overall B-movie feel. She did hope that with Shelly’s race winnings, the Jacks can afford to get Danny a haircut. Major white kid ‘fro going on there.

Bad: Your dog drinks your milk.

Worse: She's lactose intolerant.

Wiener Dog Nationals (2013)
* Director: Kevan Peterson
* Screenwriter: Gregory Gutierrez
* Stars: Alicia Witt, Jason London, Morgan Fairchild, Marque Richardson, Bryan Batt, Caitlin Carmichael, Chris Moss, Laura Ann Kesling, Austin Anderson, Julian Feder
* MPAA Rating: G



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Ratatoing (2007)

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY RECENTLY RAN an article about the phenomenon of “mockbusters” – cheaply made knockoffs of blockbuster movies, released at the same time as the original film, to cash in on the buzz. Adding to the insult (and confusion) are their sound-alike titles, such as Age of the Hobbits, Braver, Paranormal Entity, Transmorphers, and American Battleship.

Last fall, FilmBoy discovered the mockbuster Chop Kick Panda, so I shared the EW article with him – and unknowingly created a monster. Fascinated by their alleged awfulness, he set out to watch as many animated mockbusters as possible. He then insisted I review mockbusters here, and I told him no way. But after much discussion and debate, I agreed to review one, and only one: the totally-not-Ratatouille flick Ratatoing.

Set in Rio de Janeiro (in place of Ratatouille’s Paris), Ratatoing tells the story of Marcell Toing, a mouse (not a rat) who’s chef and owner of his own restaurant – so in some twisted way, Marcell has already fulfilled the dream that Ratatouille’s Remy spends his entire film trying to accomplish. Anyhoo, Marcell and fellow mice Carol and Greg conduct weekly raids on human kitchens to get fresh ingredients for their entrees, while rival restaurant owners will stop at nothing to discover Marcell's secrets.

To say Ratatoing is an abomination would be an insult to all things disgusting or abhorrent. The most obvious offense is the atrocious animation. The entire film looks like unfinished footage from a Pixar behind-the-scenes featurette: flat, simple shapes with primary colors and stiff body movements that make everybody look like they’re doing the Robot.

Characters yell their dialogue at each other. Random scenes inexplicably fade to black. Attempts at humor are virtually non-existent. There’s zero character development. One animation sequence is used three times. It’s tempting to call this 45-minute “film” a train wreck, but with a real train wreck there’s at least a certain level of exhilaration. With Ratatoing, it’s just exasperation.

Ratatoing was originally voiced in Portuguese, which would explain the horrible sync-up of mouths with dialogue in this English version. The voiceover talent, including veterans Veronica Taylor (Pokemon: The First Movie), Lisa Ortiz, and Wayne Grayson, should be ashamed of their involvement. At least experienced voice actor Mike Pollock had the good sense to use an alias to hide his embarrassment.

Ratatoing is produced by Video Brinquedo, a Brazil-based company who specializes in super-cheap, poorly made imitations of popular movies, including titles such as Little Bee, Tiny Robots, Gladiformers, Little & Big Monsters, and my personal favorite, What’s UP: Balloon to the Rescue! They’re the movie equivalent of the rack toys you see at drugstores sporting borderline-lawsuit titles like Star Warriors and World Wrestling Rasslers.

Ratatoing plays like the worst kids show from 1991. Its sole reason for existence is the hope that some uninformed, astigmatic Grandma won’t tell it apart from Ratatouille and pick it up for her grandchild. It’s a perfect example of scraping the bottom of the barrel, then discovering something under the barrel.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

FilmBoy enjoyed Ratatoing as a bad movie, much like he did with Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. He laughed frequently at how unbelievably awful it is. And Jack-Jack? Halfway through the film, he declared, “Okay, this movie is giving me a headache.”

Is it suitable for your kids?

In terms of artistic merit, Ratatoing isn’t suitable for ANY kids. That being said, there’s some mild name-calling near the end by a bad-guy mouse, who spews off “chubby,” “stupid,” and “idiot” in one insult. Also, Carol sports a disturbingly curvy body for a mouse, complete with a bubbled booty and perky breasts.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Dear God, I hope not.

Make sure you wipe your feet on that glue trap on the way out.

Ratatoing
* Director: Kip Kaplan
* Screenwriter: Kip Kaplan
* Stars: Wayne Grayson, Lisa Ortiz, Veronica Taylor, Dan Green, Mike Pollock (as Herb Lawrence), Marc Diraison, Scottie Ray
* MPAA Rating: G


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A Cat in Paris (2010)

THE 2012 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEES for Best Animated Feature were an odd lot. Odd in the sense that they were not another predictable batch of contenders from Pixar and DreamWorks (and maybe a token nominee from a third studio who had no chance of winning).

No, 2012’s nominees included only two from DreamWorks (Puss in Boots and Kung Fu Panda 2) and none from Pixar (thanks to their horrible misfire Cars 2). The remaining nods were given to the Spanish-language Chico & Rita, the deserving winner Rango, and the French film A Cat in Paris.

Co-directed by Jean-Loup Felicioli and Alain Gagnol, A Cat in Paris follows the double life of Dino the cat, a family pet by day and assistant to crafty cat burglar Nico (Steve Blum) by night. Dino’s human family – daughter Zoe (Lauren Weintraub) and policewoman mother Jeanne (Marcia Gay Hayden) – are grieving the death of their dad/husband, a policeman killed by mobster Victor Costa (J.B. Blanc). Zoe’s been mute since the incident, but finds comfort in Dino and the “presents” he brings her: dead rodents and reptiles. But soon, Dino’s two lives intersect, putting Nico at risk of being arrested and Zoe’s life at risk from seeing too much of Costa’s world.

The hand-drawn animation is the first thing that sets A Cat in Paris apart from other recent animated films. It’s an abstract, art deco style, full of shadows and vibrant colors, that makes it feel like a classic children’s storybook come to life. Felicioli and Gagnol (working from a clever, often humorous script by Gagnol and Jacques-Rémy Girerd) create great empathy for Zoe and Jeanne, and even have us hoping Nico doesn’t get caught despite the large amount of valuables he’s stolen.

Once Dino’s two worlds cross paths, A Cat in Paris really picks up (accompanied by Serge Besset’s pulse-pounding score) – taking us from foot and car pursuits, to a chase across the rooftops of Paris, to a final showdown atop the Notre Dame cathedral.

At a trim 62 minutes, A Cat in Paris is a welcome detour from what we encounter (and expect) from the big animation studios. Oscar-worthy? That’s debatable. What’s not debatable is that it’s definitely worth watching.

French, with dubbing/subtitles.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy think?

He enjoyed A Cat in Paris very much – eating up Dino’s antics, rooting for the good guys, and cursing the bad guys.

 Is it suitable for your kids?

A Cat in Paris is rated PG for “mild violence and action, and some thematic material.”
Thematic material: Zoe and her mom are sometimes sad over her dad’s death; Nico steals valuable items and money from homes and museums (he is a cat burglar, after all). There's champagne and wine at a dinner scene, and one character smokes a cigarette.
Language: Costa says he scared one of his cronies so much, “you nearly wet your undies!” He also calls one of his thugs an “idiot.” A minor character says, “You sneaky son of a -” (not finishing the phrase)
Violence/Scariness: Costa slaps one of his men, fires warning shots at another, kidnaps Zoe, chokes Jeanne, and fights Nico, knocking out one of his teeth. (He’s also depicted in a dream sequence as a large, creepy octopus, which may scare young children.) Elsewhere, Dino scratches a person's leg, which briefly bleeds; Nico takes a policeman's gun and holds it on him and Jeanne; detectives shoot guns at a firing range; Dino bloodlessly kills a lizard; and a major character falls to their death.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

A cat. Paris. The value and importance of family. Something tells me she may enjoy it.

"Um, little help?"

A Cat in Paris
* Directors: Jean-Loup Felicioli, Alain Gagnol
* Screenwriters: Alain Gagnol, Jacques-Rémy Girerd
* Stars: Marcia Gay Harden, Steve Blum, J.B. Blanc, Lauren Weintraub, Matthew Modine
* MPAA Rating: PG


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Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012)

WITH ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT’S $47 million opening weekend (pushing its worldwide total to $380 million), the Ice Age films are now one of the highest-grossing movie franchises ever – up there with Harry Potter, James Bond, and Lord of the Rings.

As someone who’s seen the first Ice Age but not parts 2 or 3 (The Meltdown and Dawn of the Dinosaurs), I began to wonder if I was missing out on a rewarding movie franchise – one whose likability and popularity was apparently evident by its billions in box office and the millions of moviegoers who have kept the saga afloat since the original Ice Age in 2002.


After seeing Ice Age: Continental Drift -- the highly disposable yet occasionally endearing fourth entry in the series from Blue Sky Studios (Rio, Horton Hears a Who!) – I don’t think I’ve been missing much. We meet up with woolly mammoth Manny (Ray Romano), sabre-tooth tiger Diego (Denis Leary), and Sid the sloth (John Leguizamo) as their herd (including Manny’s wife Ellie (Queen Latifah) and their teenage daughter Peaches (Keke Palmer)) get caught up in the cataclysmic separation of their landmass, casting Manny, Diego, Sid, and Sid’s eccentric Granny (Wanda Sykes) out to sea on a mass of ice.

As our trio of heroes (plus 1) try to reach the destination where Ellie, Peaches, and the rest of the herd will meet them, they encounter simian sea pirate Captain Gutt (Peter Dinklage) and his crew, including first mate Shira (Jennifer Lopez), a sabre-tooth tiger who ends up with conflicting feelings about her captain and Diego.

With all the effort the filmmakers behind Ice Age: Continental Drift put into the action scenes and stunning visuals (especially the breathtaking sequences of the giant land mass breaking apart), they should have devoted more to character development. Ironically, that devotion would be a major undertaking, for by continuously adding new characters with each film in the franchise, it leaves directors Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier with the unenviable task of finding a purpose for each character in what is now a cast of dozens.

This overpopulation is also a far cry from what made the original Ice Age’s core trio of Manny, Diego, and Sid fun to watch. Martino, Thurmeier, and Continental Drift’s trio of writers seem to agree, for the main plot sends Manny, Diego, and Sid (and Sid’s Granny) on their own adventure, relegating the rest of the cast to a B-story of trekking across the remaining landmass to reunite with our heroes.

The dialogue and jokes in Ice Age: Continental Drift rarely rise above the level of sitcoms or Saturday morning cartoons, and laugh-out-loud moments are at a minimum. The only exceptions are the adorable, hyperactive hyraxes (who form an Ewok-like alliance with Manny, Diego, and Sid to help bring down Captain Gutt) and the ongoing hilarious antics of Scrat the squirrel and his never-ending pursuit of his elusive acorn. Outside of that, the script largely serves to advance the plot to the finish line, peppered with mawkish Valuable Lessons and Very Special Moments about love, family, father/daughter relationships, and not forgetting your true friends.

If Pixar classics such as Finding Nemo and The Incredibles are gourmet meals, then Ice Age: Continental Drift is Chinese food: It doesn’t stay with you, and an hour later you’ll be hungry for something more substantial.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

Dash and Jack-Jack both enjoyed Ice Age: Continental Drift, though neither raved about it afterwards. I’m guessing that, like their father, they found it suitably entertaining at the time, but pretty forgettable afterwards.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Ice Age: Continental Drift is rated PG for mild rude humor and action/peril.

Mild/rude humor: Sadly, there is so much name-calling that it’s impossible to list them all here, but a sampling includes “freak,” “wiener,” “stupid,” “loser,” “idiot,” “tubby,” “cry baby,” and “pinhead.” In addition, Granny makes a couple of off-color quips, such as “I’ll bury y’all and dance on your grave” and “If they kiss, I’m gonna puke.” Also, Sid exclaims “Holy crab!” after seeing a giant crustacean, and a child animal asks Ellie, “When you drink through your nose, does it taste like boogers?”
Action/peril: An extended sequence shows landmasses separating violently, causing animals to run and panic; some of the fights between Manny’s herd and Gutt’s pirates are pretty intense, with weapons in heavy use; Gutt makes verbal threats to various characters, and attempts to kill Ellie and Manny during the finale.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

My wife enjoyed Ice Age: Continental Drift, though I’m guessing it won’t rank as one of her all-time favorites. But it made for a passably fun family film outing while it lasted.

Ice...ice...age-y.

Ice Age: Continental Drift
* Directors: Steve Martino, Mike Thurmeier
* Screenwriters: Michael Berg, Jason Fuchs, Mike Reiss
* Stars: Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, Peter Dinklage, Keke Palmer, Simon Pegg, Seann William Scott, Wanda Sykes
* MPAA Rating: PG


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The Great Bear (2011)

IN CASE IT NEEDS TO BE SAID, great animated films don’t always come from Pixar, Disney, DreamWorks, or Blue Sky Studios. Sometimes they don’t even come from America (i.e. Japan’s Studio Ghibli, home of legendary animator Hayao Miyazaki).

If The Great Bear is any indication, we might soon be looking at Denmark as a future hotbed of well-crafted animated storytelling. The film follows big brother Jonathan (Markus Rygaard) and little sister Sophie (Alberte Blichfeldt) as they visit their grand-dad (Elith Nulle Nykjær) at his home in the woods next to The Great Forest. Grand-Dad warns the kids never to enter The Great Forest because “it’s full of strange animals,” including The Great Bear – a gigantic brown bear (we’re talking stories high) with a forest of trees growing out of its back. When Sophie mistakenly enters The Great Forest and vanishes, Jonathan goes in after her, crossing paths with a lone hunter (Flemming Quist Møller) who’s determined to kill the bear after it demolished his village.

Comparisons of The Great Bear to Miyazaki’s classic My Neighbor Totoro are fair: Both feature a pair of bickering siblings who discover magical creatures in a neighboring forest. To that extent, The Great Bear is My Neighbor Totoro’s rougher, tougher older brother. There’s danger, gunplay, and more perilous action in Jonathan and Sophie’s adventures, which has them encountering such surreal creatures as a herd of miniature moose, comical blackbirds, and frogs that bring rain when you make them croak.

Then there’s The Great Bear himself, an ursine behemoth and a masterwork of CGI animation. Yet despite his gargantuan girth, Jonathan soon learns what Sophie’s known all along: The only thing monstrous about the bear is his size. He’s actually a gentle giant who only lashes out when provoked or threatened. Jonathan then stops trying to rescue Sophie from The Great Bear and starts helping her protect him from the determined hunter.

With The Great Bear, first-time feature film director Esben Toft Jacobsen mines the many strengths of CGI animation to create a rich, deep, captivating experience, just like Miyazaki did with Totoro’s gorgeous 2-D animation nearly 25 years ago. Jacobsen’s film features beautiful, fantastic scenery, plus a distinct European style of animation that may seem slightly different (and a bit less refined) than what American audiences are used to.

A hit at international film festivals, The Great Bear touches all the sweet spots that a children’s film should: friendship, loyalty, adventure, and love for all living things. Sadly, it has yet to find a U.S. distributor. If you or anyone you know can help distribute The Great Bear in America, contact the filmmakers and let them know. This film deserves an audience here in the States. [UPDATE 6/16/14: The Great Bear is now available in the U.S., including Amazon Instant and Walmart.]

Danish, with English dubbing.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

The Great Bear is not rated, but does have some violence/scariness: Jonathan tells Sophie scary stories about The Great Bear; he slaps her when she calls him “dumb;” he falls in a hole and gets a bloody wound on his wrist; he follows drops of blood to locate the bear after the hunter shoots him; and he pulls a bullet from a wound in the bear’s mouth. The size and growls of The Great Bear may be scary to very small children. The hunter gets scarier and more violent as the film progresses: He shoots into a cave, nearly hitting Jonathan; he shoots at the bear multiple times, hitting him once in the mouth and causing Sophie to plummet from the top of the bear’s head to the ground; he calls Sophie a “little brat,” takes her away from Jonathan, and locks her in a closet in his cabin; he crushes one of the blackbirds in his hand (we’re to believe it’s dead); he sets fire to the forest to flush out the bear; when Jonathan tries to stop him from shooting the bear, the hunter hits Jonathan in the face with the butt of his gun, knocking him to the ground; in the finale, he shoots the bear again, this time in the back. Also in the finale, someone is killed by a falling boulder; the screen cuts to black upon the impact. The only questionable language is Sophie calling Jonathan “dumb” and, when Jonathan says he smells something funny, she asks, “Did you fart?” 8 years and older is probably the appropriate age for viewing.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she’s a fan of animated films and magical storytelling, and can handle animals and children being put in peril along the way, she’ll surely enjoy The Great Bear.

Don’t even think of asking me if I want a pic-a-nic basket.

The Great Bear trailer:

The Great Bear
* Director: Esben Toft Jacobsen
* Screenwriters: Jannik Tai Mosholt, Esben Toft Jacobsen
* Stars: Markus Rygaard, Flemming Quist Møller, Alberte Blichfeldt, Elith Nulle Nykjær
* MPAA Rating: N/A

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

WITH PIXAR AND DREAMWORKS BOTH RELEASING animated films this summer, it’s impossible not to compare them.

I’ve already expressed my disgust and disappointment with Pixar’s Cars 2. But will DreamWorks’ 2011 summer sequel, Kung Fu Panda 2, fare any better?

Plot:
As the legendary Dragon Warrior, kung fu master Po (Jack Black) guards the Valley of Peace alongside his allies, the Furious Five. When a frightful new enemy emerges, Po and company embark on a perilous journey to save China and the art of kung fu.

Critique:

Like most “part two” sequels, everything in Kung Fu Panda 2 is on a bigger scale than the original, and director Jennifer Yuh Nelson keeps everything epic without being excessive. The gorgeously drawn landscapes offer the ideal backdrop for the many action sequences involving Po and the Furious Five versus the vengeful peacock Shen (Gary Oldman) and his army of wolves. (Po’s master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) is relegated to a bit part, showing up mostly at the beginning and end.)

The fight sequences, while sometimes too fast for their own good, are still amazing to watch. Other action scenes are just as entertaining, including a hysterical rickshaw chase between Po and one of Shen’s henchmen.

A reigned-in yet still-funny Jack Black returns as Po, who, in addition to being tasked with defeating Shen, yearns to find inner peace – which is played out in a touching storyline as Po learns of his adoption and the truth behind his real parents. As Po’s nemesis, Gary Oldman is perfectly cast as the voice of Shen, a completely different (yet just as formidable) adversary compared to the original film’s baddie, Tai Lung.

Kung Fu Panda 2 has great storytelling, exciting action, endearing characters, and even a surprise ending. It’s infinitely more clever, engaging, and emotionally involving than Pixar’s Cars 2. And it marks the first time I’m saying this about the latest DreamWorks film I saw, rather than the latest Pixar film: I immediately wanted to see it again.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

They were highly entertained by Kung Fu Panda 2. Dash and I laughed at a lot of the same jokes and gags, and we all got caught up in the action as it intensified in the third act (FilmMother included).

Is it suitable for your kids?

Kung Fu Panda 2 is rated PG for “scenes of martial arts action and mild violence.” There are several mentions of killing and a few implied deaths; a character is killed off-screen by Shen’s cannon; Shen’s army of wolves can be menacing at times; and a major character is killed by a falling boat mast.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

With its great combination of humor, emotion, and action, I think she’ll really enjoy Kung Fu Panda 2. (Oh, and the bunnies. Can’t forget the bunnies.)

Yes, this is Po as a baby. You may commence "awww"-ing.

Kung Fu Panda 2
* Director: Jennifer Yuh Nelson
* Screenwriters: Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger
* Stars: Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Gary Oldman, Seth Rogen, Jackie Chan, David Cross, Lucy Liu, Dustin Hoffman, James Hong
* MPAA Rating: PG


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